woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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