She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
