I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize