Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
