and you said cock pushups were impossible
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
