He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
