I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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