One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
