Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
