i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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