i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
