ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
