Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
