Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
