I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
