you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
