Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
