Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I enjoy the company of your penis
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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