WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
