my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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