we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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