is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
