Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
