are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
