Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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