if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
