i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
