she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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