apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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