when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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