I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Randomize
