I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
