Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
