Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
