I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
