just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
His hands were made for my vagina.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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