He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
