the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
