he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
