he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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