All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
