its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
