I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Randomize
