dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
