She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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