this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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