i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
