I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sorry about my life...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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