she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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