What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
