turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
