he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
