Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
