Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Small penises have feelings too.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
