Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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