I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
