Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize