I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize