I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
