K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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