In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize