This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
