I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize