..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you inspire me to be a worse person
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
