You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
