In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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