Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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