He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
