sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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