Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize