Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize