I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
