Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize