I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
